Fine Dining with Dr. Jumand

Good morning, friends—

I received a lot of emails about my digital transfer of Dr. Noving Jumand’s experimental psycholiterary recordings, which you might recall I found at a library sale. This one is particularly relevant to this week’s newsletter:

Hey,
This shit is wild, thanks for posting. Do you have the one where there’s a restaurant that’s an aquarium or something and this pervert kidnaps a kid? I swear my uncle had it, he would let us get stoned with him and listen to it. This was in Rochester in the eighties. There was this one kid, he borrowed the record from my uncle and never brought it back and then later they found him at the bottom of the reservoir and his parents burned their house down for the insurance money (not sure if related)?? It had a blue cover with a shrimp on it.
Thanks, this really brought back memories
Vince B.

As it happens, yes, that’s one of the ones I found! Here it is.

Other correspondence has helped fill in the Jumand story a little.

My aunt actually was one of Jumand’s patients in the 70s. It fucked her up for a really long time. My mom said she was never the same after her time at his facility; she lost her sense of smell, or so she claimed, and became convinced her guinea pig was the reincarnation of one of the Gabor sisters, even though they all had yet to die at that point. For years I’ve been telling people they should make an HBO documentary about him, so I’m glad you brought this all to light, John.
Dan H.

Thank, you, Dan, and I’m so sorry about your aunt.

Mr. Lennon:
You are currently using the recordings of Dr. Noving Jumand without authorization, which is copyrighted in accordance with Title 17 of the U.S. Code, United States Copyright Law. In addition, these recordings have been ordered destroyed by the state of New York and possessors of all extant copies are guilty of conspiracy to distribute harmful literature. We have found this unauthorized use of the work currently at jrobertlennon.substack.com. If we have not received a response from you by April 1, 2021, agreeing that you have ceased using the work and will desist from further use in the future, said correspondence accompanied by photographic evidence of the destroyed materials, I shall consider taking legal action to rectify this situation. Remedies may include fines in excess of USD 50,000 and state prison sentences of up to five years.
Sincerely,
Mr. James P. W., Esq.

Yikes!!

Finally, here’s one from an old acquaintance:

John,
I don’t know if you’d remember me. Our kids were in a play group together many years ago, you probably know their mother, S—. I was usually out in the garage when all the kids came over. We are no longer married, ha ha. Anyway, I work for the Friends of the Library now (yes, I used to be a labor relations professor, no, I did not get tenure, could not be happier), and when I saw your blog I realized maybe you can help me with something. There is this old guy who will not stop calling us, saying that his daughter donated some records of his to the sale by mistake and he NEEDS THEM BACK IMMEDIATELY. I told him we don’t keep buyer info but he will not let it go. He literally shows up at the warehouse and bangs on the door (he does not understand that our office is in another building, which I guess I should be thankful for) until somebody from the plumbing wholesaler across the street comes out and threatens to call the police. The guy is very small and very loud. Well, I think you have his records!! One red, one blue, one yellow, right? With black and white circles on the covers? Maybe when you are done making copies you can give them back? We will refund you of course. Plus a finder’s fee? (Or not? Maybe this could be an in-kind donation to the library? Also, I’m sorry we don’t put your books in the local special editions cabinet anymore, I hope you don’t feel slighted, we tried putting them in there for a few years but they just don’t sell as well the Moosewood first printings and native plant guides.)
Thank you, call me, he is driving us crazy
Paul P.
(607) 272-4xxx

Don’t worry, Paul, once I’ve finished the yellow one, they’re all yours!

More next week—
John